The future of humanity depends on you knowing if you are a beach goth, film noir, health goth or southern gothic.

EDM was cool but lately it has gotten all popular in a way that creeps out decent, hardworking hipsters. Now that you realize that no one cares about DJ’s, and that Skrillex is on contemporary hit radio, it’s time to embrace the dismal blackness that is your deep, dark soul. A goth fashion blog is not very nihilistic but we’re so goth that we passed the point of caring.

Goth has made the full circle into the wheel of fashion several times. You could say the first Gothics were an early civilization in northern Europe. But this isn’t about being retro, even though like all things in design, it sort of is. It’s about combining two unlikely styles in a way that works. Goth is one of those words that can be attached to anything. When you affix it to a happy word, such as in pastel goth, it takes over the meaning of the phrase and lends a twisted darkness to the whole scheme.

This isn’t a place to engage in cosplay or pretend like you’re vampires. There are no platform boots in these look books. Today’s nu goths aren’t dressing up like cartoon characters, they’re wearing the latest trends in all black. Luckily you can buy all black clothes practically everywhere and they don’t have to be expensive – even though some of these ones are.

 

Beach Goth

There is an annual beach goth music festival near Los Angeles. From what I can tell, being a beach goth consists of wearing all black to the beach, ideally while having a lot of tattoos. If you live in a land locked place, you can still be a bohemian goth, which is close to the same thing but with mountains.

Cost Plus Black Floppy Hat $27; Chan Luu 13″ Nugget Natural Black Wrap Bracelet $155; Fresh Sugar Ruby Tinted Lip Treatment Sunscreen SPF 15 $24; Kennel + Schmenger Love Single Band Slide $290; Kivari Romeo Fringe Tote $285; Linum Home Textiles Lucky Beach Towel in Black $69; Lisa Marie Fernadez Genvieve Velvet Bikini $315; Sun Bum Original Sunscreen in SPF 50 $15.95; Topshop Tall Moto Black Ripped Mom Shorts $58; Vanessa Mooney Charm Wrap Necklace $48; Yohji Yamamoto Womens Sunglasses from SS15 in Black $544; Zero Gravity 90210 iPhone 6/6s Case $24.

 

Film Noir

The 1930s and 1940s saw a period of black and white detective mysteries that took place in southern California known as film noir. This was a simpler time when it was considered professional to be smoking a cigarette and drinking liquor at all times. You could substitute the sable for a trench coat.

Black Tahitian Pearl Necklace in 14K White Gold $8,558; Vintage Ceil Chapman Black Cocktail Dress $2,295; Mademoiselle Slassi Asymmetrical Black Fedora $447; Miu Patent Leather Bow Pumps $720; The Row Marston Black Mink Fur Coat $12,500; 1940’s Vintage Beaded Evening Bag $1,225.

 

Health Goth

Let’s go down to the tennis courts and talk it out like Lorde in all black. Health goths attempt to improve their spirits with plenty of exercise, healthy food and self-prescribed drugs. Constantly taking selfies, they are super into new technology, and probably have an online storefront/design label.

Apple Watch 42MM Space Black Stainless Steel Case with Black Sport Band $599; Adidas by Stella McCartney Running Performance Jacket $237; Lesportsac Small Edie Backpack in Black Crinkle Patent $91; Live the Process V Wrap Effect Stretch Supplex Spots Bra $105; Merrell Vapor Glove 2 in Black/Castlerock $85; Sweaty Betty Dhyana Yoga Leggings $125; Zazzle Your Custom Water Bottle $24.50.

 

Southern Gothic

An established genre of literature, music and art, southern gothic carries over into the fashion realm. The American south has a lot of skeletons in her closet even if she puts up a composed front. A good example of this trend would be the all black ensembles in American Horror Story: Coven.

Alexander McQueen Prisée and Macramé-Lace Skirt $2,985; Chanel Black Tulle and Lace Asymmetric Skirt $650 (2010); Dolce & Gabbana Floral Lace Bib Blouse $1,875; Giuseppe Zanotti 70MM Leather Over the Knee Boots $1,595; Vintage Hermes Mini Alligator Clutch $12,920; Maison Michel Blanche Capeline Wide Brim Hat $550; Moschino Tie Front Silk Blouse $850; Rag & Bone Felted Rabbit Hair & Calf Hair Fedora $395; Saint Laurent Fringed Western Boots $1,195; Valentino Appliqued Silk Organza Scarf $1,265.