These 16 types of rocks and crystals just sit there on a shelf, and have no meaning except for sentimental ones.

Lately I have been reading a lot of suspicious advice about healing crystals and stones online, especially in women’s blogs and on Pinterest. While these natural objects do have a nice look to them that improves the look of a home or office, they are not actually going to do anything at all.

All primitive cultures attach symbolic meanings to items found in nature, such as celestial bodies, plants and semi precious stones. However now that we have science it turns out that crystals and rocks don’t actually do anything. Objects only have whatever meaning you give to them. So it’s better to maintain a healthy lifestyle than to rely on rocks to relieve stress, dispel negative energy or support the immune system. Only buy them if you like that mystical, bohemian look.

1. Agate

Agate is a type of decorative rock composed mainly of cryptocrystalline silica, chiefly chalcedony, alternating with microgranular quartz. It is already doing what it does here in this picture.

2. Amethyst

This amethyst bee brooch will look nice affixed to a sweater or jacket. But it does not relieve drunkenness or headaches because that would be impossible because it is just a stupid rock.

3. Bloodstone

Bloodstone or heliotrope is a type of jasper or chalcedony that has an interesting rusted texture from the tiny red veins of hematite. So it does not actually help circulation.

4. Citrine

Citrine is a rare variety of quartz containing iron, which gives it a yellow to brown tone. All citrines are incredibly lazy and just sit there on the furniture like fucking rocks.

5. Crystals

Rock crystals or milky quartz are the most common type of crystal on Earth. The geological process that forms them is fascinating, but they are diluted with vapor and have no scientific applications.

6. Crystal Geodes

This crystal geode occurred organically in sedimentary and volcanic rock. It does nothing else.

7. Crystal Monkey

A crystal monkey is cute but it cannot absorb all of your bad vibes, man. Go smoke another one.

8. Crystal Skulls

Crystal skulls make a sobering statement about the temporality of existence. That is all they do.

9. Garnet

This garnet brooch is an antique so it has a lot of history behind it, making it a nice accessory and a good conversation piece. That is not going to make your back hurt less though.

10. Jade

Anyone that tells you this jade amulet will support the adrenal glands is a big fat liar! Liars!

11. Jade + Amethyst

What if you combine two types of minerals such as this jade bear on a bed of amethyst? It still will not do anything except display your wealth and impeccable sense of style.

12. Lapis Lazuli

The ancient Egyptians used lapis lazuli to cure headaches because they were morons. Today it is still ground up into an expensive type of ink called ultramarine pigment.

13. Opal

This hydrated amorphous form of silica is totally hot right now. The most common type of opal is the milk opal, which ranges from milky white to blueish green. They won’t do shit for PMS though.

14. Pyrite

This pyrite cannot save you. It does not bring fortune that’s why it’s called fool’s gold.

15. Rose Quartz

This variety of quartz is pale pink due to trace amounts of titanium, iron, or manganese. But there is no scientific evidence it will reduce puffiness, eliminate toxins or even out skin tone.

16. Topaz

This topaz ring with a navette cut is beautiful to look at. Look how it sparkles so. But that doesn’t mean you should put it in your mouth, or that it can absorb your dreams and wishes.

Crystals and stones make beautiful pieces of home decor and jewelry that are wonderful to look at. This is relaxing in itself. But they have no special meaning and will not do ish but sit there.